My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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