So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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