I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
