i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
