she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
