just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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