Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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