I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
