Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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