You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
