I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
