I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
