I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
