giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
