Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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