Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
