I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
