As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
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