Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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