dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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