I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
