The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
