I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
