where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
