My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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