I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
