I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
