Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
