My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
