WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
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he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
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I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
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