thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
