If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
