I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
