apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
