Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
