Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
