Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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