Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
