She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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