u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
