I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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