I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
