Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
