yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
