The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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