yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
