Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
