im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
