I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
