I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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