I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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