Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
