she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
