Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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