She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
