i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
