I want to stick my p in your. b.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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