yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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