U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
