all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
